Dear Nichole
by MadToTheBone1
Summary: It kills me and, will continue to kill me. Little by little and, soon I'll be gone. rated T for mild language and for slight dark themes.
1. Little by Little

Dear Nichole,

Today was a long day for daddy. We got another red john case. Every smiley face I see, brings me back to the night when I found you and your mommy dead. It makes me upset. This time it was a little girl about the age you were. He's sending me a message. I know it. Baby girl, it drives me mad. I begin to believe that I should give up on the bastard. But I wont give up, I'll never give up. He hurt you and your momma and I'll never forgive myself. You'd be ten years old right now. I try to picture you in my head but, I keep seeing that damn smiley face. It haunts me day and night. I hide it in the back of my head but, its still there. When I come home from work and see that smiley face, I go and get your favorite teddy bear and your momma's locket and I cry. I cry every night. It kills me. And it will continue to kill me. Little by little and, soon I'll be gone. I love you.

With all my love, your father.

8/3/2010

Patrick Jane puts down the notebook and pen as he climbs into bed. He knew it wasn't healthy to write to his dead daughter but, he didn't care. It helped him. He will continue to write his daughter forever because, to him, she was still there with her momma at the store. They'll come home. He hoped soon because, it was getting late and you know what they say about the night. Its dangerous.

**What do y'all think? It could be a one shot or I could continue it. Its your choice! tell me what you think? And flamers I need you to review and tell me whats wrong with my writing. Thanks. I know it's short but, I'm just trying it out. The other chapters will be longer. That is, if I write more chapters.**

** MadToTheBone1**


	2. R and R, Rage and Regret

Dear Nichole,

The Red John case is going no where. They believe its a copy cat but, I know it isn't. I know that red smiley face. I know every inch of that damn thing. I know the body. Every cut, every bruise, every life taken away. I know the place. You see what seems to be an innocent smiley but, then you soon realize its a signature. A signature for another death, another life. Something I couldn't save. I feel responsible to every death. Its on my shoulders and will stay there. Anytime I get close to catching the bastard he slips. Hes like a fly on the wall, he knows and sees everything but, when you try to kill it he flies away. He knows I feel guilty and he make sure it stays that. Every time I get a taste of happiness he takes it away. He takes it away by killing another life. That's why I'm responsible. I'm so sorry baby girl, you have a bad daddy. Your daddy has hurt people. That's why your daddy must kill that bastard I hope that one day you'll forgive me. I love so damn much. I miss you more than you know. So can you please come home? For daddy? I wait for you every night but, you don't come and I get scared. I think something bad happened to you and your mommy. So please relieve me of this worry and come home.

With all my love, your father.

8/4/2010

Patrick gets up from his desk puts his cup in the sink and, sits on the piano bench that his wife used to sit on with his daughter and they would play a beautiful melody. He starts to remembers everything. To the day he met his lovely wife to his families murder. He realizes that he died with them and he's just a shell of a man. He's a ghost stuck on the earth. And he'll stay here until that monster is gone. Till then he'll drink his tea, write to his dead daughter, find killers and put them away. He becomes angry that this one man ruined his life and theirs nothing he can do about it. He doesn't notice the tears going down his face as he start banging on the piano keys. The sound it makes is horrific. It reminds him of death. That just makes him bang more and more. With each pound it gets louder and louder till he can't hold it in any more. With a cry he falls from the bench and curls into a ball, crying and sobbing. He knows no ones going to be there to comfort him and, hes accepts that. Hes broken and can't be fixed.

**Okay so I'm continuing this. I would like to thank Lily Jane for reviewing. Your probably the reason why I continued. Tell me what you think. I know its not super long but its longer than the last. I just got out of the mood to write. You know?**

**MadToTheBone1**


	3. Nightmares

**Hey guys. Im not dead. This is a filler chapter. I know its super short. Anyway I have a very important question to ask you, do want this story to have a happy ending or sad ending? If it would be happy, I would have it happy angsty endin. Just let me know in a review. There wont be another chapter till I get feed back for this question. Yeah I know. Im harsh. REVIEW. Please? **

Dear Nichole,

Last night I dreamed. I dreamed of you and your mamma. We were at the beach, you and momma were making a sand castle. I was watching a few feet away from you. You looked so happy with your mamma. You two were in pure bliss, laughing and dancing. And just like that I was smiling. I was laughing along with you. Everything was perfect. You and your momma were safe. But just like that a dream can become a nightmare. The sand castle you ans your momma made was eaten by the hungry ocean. The the sky turned gray and you turned to look at me. With tears going down your little face, you asked me, 'Why did you do it? Why daddy? Why?' Then the scene changed, the memory that I will never forget began. From me reading that god damned letter to seeing you and momma taken away from me. Just as the tears fell from my eyes, everything changed around me. I was in the middle of the beach. But the beach wasn't what it was before. The once fruitful trees were now on fire, the sea was roaring with rage, the sand was now being strucked with lightning, and as I was in the middle of this disaster I saw you. You were a few yards from me with tears down your face you had red puffy eyes. You kept yelling at me 'Why daddy? Why? He hurt me and mommy and you let it happen! Mommy told you to stop! But you didn't listen! Why didn't you listen to mommy? Why?' Then you turned away from me and I tried to call you. I screamed your name but, you didn't listen. Just as the lightning was about to hit me I woke up. When I woke up there was a wetness on my face and my covers were knotted with my body from tossing and turning. Baby girl I write to you tonight to answer your question. I was arrogent, naïve, and stupid. Mommy told me to stop but, I wanted to give you two the world so I kept on going. But now your with your momma somewhere, maybe at the park and soon you'll get tired and come home to me. I hope.

With all my love,your Father

8/11/10

Patrick Jane felt worried as he put his journal full of letters away. He was afraid to go to asleep and have that nightmare again. Maybe he shouldn't go to sleep at all. But he needed energy to find Red John. So he popped a few sleeping pills in his mouth not bothering to use water, climbed into his small twin size bed, and let sleep engulf him.

**Sorry for the long wait... I hope you enjoyed! AND REMEMBER TELL ME DO YOU WANT HAPPY OR SAD ENDING? I NEED TO KNOW! IF I DON'T GET FEED BACK I WON'T POST. AND THAT WOULD BE SAD! SO REVIEW AND TELL ME!**


	4. hallucinations

Dear Nichole,

I saw you today at the playground. I swear. You were there, on the swing with your mom pushing you. I tried to call you but, you didn't hear me. When I told Lisbon she said that there wasn't anything there. I know you were there. I saw you with my own eyes. You looked so beautiful with your light brown hair. Your sea blue eyes were sparkling with laughter. I would give anything to be one more day with you. Your mom saw me. The look she gave me was murderous; haunting me. Her eyes sending the message of hate and I could hear her voice. "It's all your fault." Over and over again. Ringing in my head. I was thankful when you both left the park. Even though I couldn't see your mom. I could still hear her voice. She's battling with my sanity. She's winning. She use to be beautiful to me. Now she's a monster. Just do one thing for me baby girl, don't listen to her. Don't become a monster like her. But what the sad thing is that I still love her.

Love, Your father

11/2/10

Patrick Jane walks down the street, tea in hand,toa park bench. Hoping to see his lost family again. Because even though he was horrified to see his family, he still loved them. And would do ANYTHING to see them, even if it was for only a couple of moments.


End file.
